saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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