I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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