I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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