I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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