i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
