I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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