"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
