so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
