just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
