I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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