Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
As shirtless as possible
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
