so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
