i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize