I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
