Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize