you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
