Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
