she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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