her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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