There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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