You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
