Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
