oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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