I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
