well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
