I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
