Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
