Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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