I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
