just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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