i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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