do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
