So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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