so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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