I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
