Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
