Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
