Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
