I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
