to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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