No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
