honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
