so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
