it's like iHOP with fire
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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