Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
