I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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