Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
