Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
