counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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