If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
