She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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