just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
