your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
