I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
