You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
