D3 body, D1 cock
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
