i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
