Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize