we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
