tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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