her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
