so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
two words...techno handjob
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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