his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
