had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
