haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
