i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
