I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
