sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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