Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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