Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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