My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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